Distance and heartache

I render myself unworthy, unable and unwilling. In a moment of weakness I betrayed every single word, what I'd do to go back to that night and defiantly say no, I looked at you with love and received nothing but this guilt, even after all these nights, I still feel all this shame, it was by my own doing I completely understand, but still you breathe freely and I'm here writhing in this pain. There were so many things I could have said to you, so many things and most of them were true, how I hated this world, it's greed and mostly me, how the only thing that actually mattered here was you. This distance has forced me to accept, this space has made my heart to see, that loving you was the hardest part of our existence and leaving you meant losing everything.